Moments in the life of a Pastor

Walking with God

28. Loving or Lusting – Part 2

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Exodus 20:14

You must not commit adultery.

Genesis 2:18,22-24; 3:20;

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.“This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.20 Then the man—Adam—named his wife Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live.

It’s here in Genesis 2 that we see God’s second Purpose for Marriage:

  1. Pleasure

The second purpose in marriage was pleasure, not producing children. When God brought Eve to Adam to present her to him the first words out of his mouth were, “THIS IS bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh…” The first two words in English here are a translation of the demonstrative adverb in Hebrew which can also be loosely translated, “WOW, bone of my bone…” an expression of pleasure! Marriage was to be enjoyed, a relationship of great pleasure, as was their relationship with God before sin entered the picture. Why have we made marriage a misery because we have made it about me not, we. This is more than just physical pleasure but, emotional intellectual and spiritual. Many of us are murdering our marriages because we are making them a job instead of a joy. We need to remember that the garden was his job not the girl. The mutual sharing and the bonds emotionally, physically, and socially all produced great pleasure. But this pleasure was not just some accidental product, it was the product of great responsibilities and a commitment to one another exclusively. Too many of us enter into marriage today expecting pleasure without the responsibilities that are required to find it. Most couples I know start their relationship with play and quickly move to the problems. Why do we date so much prior to marriage and so little after? Because we are giving priority to the problems instead of play. Couples that play together stay together. Look there will always be problems we are different male and female, we speak different languages. For example, when a man says, “I have nothing to wear”, he means everything is dirty and he needs laundry done. But when a woman says, “I have nothing to wear” she typically means she doesn’t like what’s in her closet and she wants to go shopping. They may say the same thing but they have very different meanings. So how do we cultivate pleasurable marriages instead of painful ones? Take time to date, and I’m not talking about dinner and a movie that’s entertainment. I’m talking about investing in your relationship, spending time together cultivating and celebrating your relationship. The reason many marriages end up bankrupt is that people are make withdrawals instead of deposits. So, when was the last time you went on a date where you discovered more about each other? Often when it comes to dating, we put the pressure on men. But I would recommend going on at least two dates a month, and taking turns planning them. That way you expose each other to what you both enjoy, some of the things you do you will discover that only one of you enjoys them, but there will be some things that you both enjoy doing together. Pleasure is a product of responsible behavior not just something that magically happens. God’s third Purpose for Marriageis:

  1. Procreation

Only after PARTNERSHIP and PLEASURE do we see the third purpose in marriage bearing children. Eve was valued as an equal person and not just as a baby factory. The loss of this in the Old Testament created a horrible imbalance in marriage for generations. Women became valued only as far as they could produce children for their husbands, this was not God’s plan for marriage, it was a distortion of it. In our modern society PLEASURE has been put in the #1 spot and so marriages are built solely on how we “feel” in marriage. If it is no longer fun according to self the relationship ends, and we look for someone else to make us happy! This too is a distortion of God’s design for marriage. God gives us the gift of partnering with Him not only in creating life but cultivating that life. Parenting is a privilege not a pain. Children should be the product of two people who are equal partners first, whose relationship is loving and joyous. This environment provides the greatest atmosphere in which to raise another generation to know the joy of God’s purposes in marriage. Partners before Parents which too often is missing in our culture. In your marriage are you cultivating a culture of pleasure or one of pain?





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