Matthew 5:27-30

²⁷ “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’^[a]28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹ So if your eye—even your good eye^[b]—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰ And if your hand—even your stronger hand^[c]—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

After seeing God’s purpose for marriage, partnership, pleasure and procreation, we now see God’s plan for:

2. Purity in Marriage

When it comes to purity in marriage scripture reveals both the problem as well as the protection.

A. Problem

It is very difficult to preserve a marriage that has experienced sexual infidelity. Because the pain of unfaithfulness sexually can be greater than the pain of death itself. Infidelity poisons partnership because without trust there is no teaming. Trust is the foundation of relationship and sexual unfaithfulness destroys trust, undermining the foundation. Adultery doesn’t just break our vows it breaks hearts and trust. Today we have tried to soften the seriousness of sexual sin by calling it an affair instead of adultery, but while you can soften the name you can’t soften the pain of sexual unfaithfulness. For this reason, Jesus expands on the simplicity of the 7th commandment in Matthew 5 to explain the process that results in this relational ruin. Like murder it begins in the heart long before it becomes an outward act of sin. Jesus reminds us of the connection between our thought life and our actual life. Are you careful or carless when it comes to your thought life? 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take every thought captive. But instead of taking them captive we cultivate them. It’s called fantasizing which contrary to the culture that thinks this is healthy Christ says it is harmful. Because it causes us to live a lust-based life instead of a love based one. It cultivates a culture that kills marriage because lust consumes where love contributes. It is not the fleeting thought that Jesus is explaining here, it is the dwelling thought that is entertained. To look on another woman and allow a process of fantasizing to develop with lust can be just as sinful as the act of adultery. Why, because even if it doesn’t lead to the act of adultery it leads us away from love and into lust. Lust destroys relationship because it makes it about me not, we. A lust-based life causes us to use people for self-pleasure. No one wakes up and decides they will commit adultery today, it is usually the result of dwelling on lustful thoughts that produce the fruit of sin later. Men and women tend to lust differently, while men tend to fantasize visually women often do it romantically. But the point is if we are not investing in our marriage we will be in danger of investing outside of our marriage. The battle is often won in our thought life, we must guard our HEARTS AND MINDS in order to live godly. Let me illustrate this with a story: There were two Buddhist monks walking in a drenching thunderstorm. They came to a stream that had swollen its banks. A beautiful young Japanese woman in a kimono stood there wanting to get to the other side but was afraid of the currents. In characteristic Buddhist compassion, one of the monks said, “Can I help you?” The woman said, “I need to cross this stream.” The monk picked her up, put her on his shoulder, and carried her through the water, carefully putting her down on the other side. He and his companion went on to the monastery. That night his companion said to him, “I have a bone to pick with you. As Buddhist monks, we have taken vows not to look on a woman, much less touch her body. Back there by the river you did both.” The first monk responded to this by saying, “My brother, I put that woman down on the other side of the river but you are still carrying her in your mind.” This is why the plague of pornography can be so devastating, especially for men who are more visually directed than women are. What you carry around in your mind will be the culture you cultivate, either a love or a lust based one. I will never forget going into a guy’s garage to look at a vehicle he had fixed up and saw that he had a pin up calendar hanging on the wall. He was a grand pa with grand kids. What message was he sending to his grandkids? Guys this isn’t something we just grow out of with time it takes truth and godliness to deal with the garbage. Instead of fantasy we need to focus on our faith, are you filling your life with garbage or God? Fantasy sets your wife up for failure and you for disillusionment, look she is not a pin up model she is woman made in God’s image. She is your partner not a porn star. Ladies this is not just a male problem, fantasy is also a female problem. While men tend to make a visual connection, women tend to make an emotional connection. Either way you are still focused on someone else. Men tend to fantasize women tend to flirt. And ladies while it may make you feel good to get a guy to like you more than the girl he is with, if he leaves her for you what have you really gained, a cheater, someone you can’t trust. The processes of lust once stimulated will look for opportunity to find expression for that lust. It is also the reason why the Bible talks about our dress and appearances as being “moderate” and not in such a way as to help create lust in someone else’s mind. Ladies stop taking sexies and calling them selfies. Where you take 20 pictures and post the one you know will draw attention typically a birds eye view. Sure, people will like it, but what will those likes be based on, lust not love. If you want someone to like and love you don’t encourage them to lust after you. Jesus’ point here is to promote a healthy discipline with our minds and thought life because ultimately it will impact our lives through actions. No wonder Paul also encourages a proper thought life in Philippians 4:8, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Jesus wants us to understand just how important it is to discipline our thought life to the extent that he uses two powerful metaphors about gouging out your eye if it tends to stray toward lust or cutting off your hand! He is not encouraging actual self-mutilation, He is simply stating how critically important it is to do whatever is necessary to prevent the process of lust from developing. The root of sin begins in our thought life, and what we entertain in your head will enter our heart and exit through our hands. So often instead of exterminating it we entertain it. But not young Joseph, when Potiphar’s wife tried to entice him into bed, HE JUST FLED. In 2 Timothy 2:22 the Bible tells us to, “Flee youthful lusts” something Joseph took literally! This is not a call to control ungodly appetites but to kill them. So, what about you are you cultivating lust or kill it by cutting it off?

Exodus 20:14

You must not commit adultery.

Genesis 2:18,22-24; 3:20;

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.²³ “At last!” the man exclaimed.“This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”²⁴ This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.²⁰ Then the man—Adam—named his wife Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live.

It’s here in Genesis 2 that we see God’s second Purpose for Marriage:

1. Pleasure

The second purpose in marriage was pleasure, not producing children. When God brought Eve to Adam to present her to him the first words out of his mouth were, “THIS IS bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh…” The first two words in English here are a translation of the demonstrative adverb in Hebrew which can also be loosely translated, “WOW, bone of my bone…” an expression of pleasure! Marriage was to be enjoyed, a relationship of great pleasure, as was their relationship with God before sin entered the picture. Why have we made marriage a misery because we have made it about me not, we. This is more than just physical pleasure but, emotional intellectual and spiritual. Many of us are murdering our marriages because we are making them a job instead of a joy. We need to remember that the garden was his job not the girl. The mutual sharing and the bonds emotionally, physically, and socially all produced great pleasure. But this pleasure was not just some accidental product, it was the product of great responsibilities and a commitment to one another exclusively. Too many of us enter into marriage today expecting pleasure without the responsibilities that are required to find it. Most couples I know start their relationship with play and quickly move to the problems. Why do we date so much prior to marriage and so little after? Because we are giving priority to the problems instead of play. Couples that play together stay together. Look there will always be problems we are different male and female, we speak different languages. For example, when a man says, “I have nothing to wear”, he means everything is dirty and he needs laundry done. But when a woman says, “I have nothing to wear” she typically means she doesn’t like what’s in her closet and she wants to go shopping. They may say the same thing but they have very different meanings. So how do we cultivate pleasurable marriages instead of painful ones? Take time to date, and I’m not talking about dinner and a movie that’s entertainment. I’m talking about investing in your relationship, spending time together cultivating and celebrating your relationship. The reason many marriages end up bankrupt is that people are make withdrawals instead of deposits. So, when was the last time you went on a date where you discovered more about each other? Often when it comes to dating, we put the pressure on men. But I would recommend going on at least two dates a month, and taking turns planning them. That way you expose each other to what you both enjoy, some of the things you do you will discover that only one of you enjoys them, but there will be some things that you both enjoy doing together. Pleasure is a product of responsible behavior not just something that magically happens. God’s third Purpose for Marriageis:

1. Procreation

Only after PARTNERSHIP and PLEASURE do we see the third purpose in marriage bearing children. Eve was valued as an equal person and not just as a baby factory. The loss of this in the Old Testament created a horrible imbalance in marriage for generations. Women became valued only as far as they could produce children for their husbands, this was not God’s plan for marriage, it was a distortion of it. In our modern society PLEASURE has been put in the #1 spot and so marriages are built solely on how we “feel” in marriage. If it is no longer fun according to self the relationship ends, and we look for someone else to make us happy! This too is a distortion of God’s design for marriage. God gives us the gift of partnering with Him not only in creating life but cultivating that life. Parenting is a privilege not a pain. Children should be the product of two people who are equal partners first, whose relationship is loving and joyous. This environment provides the greatest atmosphere in which to raise another generation to know the joy of God’s purposes in marriage. Partners before Parents which too often is missing in our culture. In your marriage are you cultivating a culture of pleasure or one of pain?