Moments in the life of a Pastor

Walking with God

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22. Mentoring matters – Part 9

Titus 2:1-8

“As for you, Titus, promote the kind of living that reflects wholesome teaching. 2 Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience. 3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. 6 In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.8 Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.”

After talking about your life Paul not turns to your:

  1. LEGACY – “What kind of a legacy are you going to leave”

While your looks will fade your life will live on in the lives of those you have invested in. Its here that Paul tell Titus to let the mature women lead the younger as they train younger women to:

  1. Love their husbands –

Ladies you need to learn to love your man. Don’t fall for the fairytale version of love which says love is a feeling. Love is an act of the will not a whim. The tense of this verb means that wives are to be continually fond of their husbands. Proverbs 31:12 provides a good summary of a godly wife’s desire for her husband: “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Do you think the best of your man by encouraging and building him up? Or, are you more like the woman in Proverbs 27:15: “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.” Ladies loving your husband means discovering who he is, who God has made Him to be. I want you to notice that loving your husband comes before loving your children. Many mothers are trying to love their children while modeling meanness to their husbands. Every day you have an opportunity to enrolled your kids in the lessons of love by how you love their dad. Do you want your sons to grow up and be mean to their wives? What you model matters. The next is closely tied to loving: 

  1. Let Him Lead 

Submit to spiritual leadership, work with Him not against. The way to reach your husband is through respect. Disrespect creates distance. You need to learn to talk to him like he is a man not like you are his mom. Ladies are you mothering your man or are you modeling respect? Some of you have husbands who are distant because you are constantly hurting them with your wounding words. But it’s not just your words it’s also your nonverbal body language, when you roll your eyes instead of respecting your husband you hurt him. I see a lot of young girls rolling their eyes with that whatever look. Ladies where are they learning that? Moms what are you modeling for your daughters, let me ask you this, do you want your son to grow up having his future wife rolling her eyes at him and disrespecting him? The motive for honoring your man is rooted in your desire to honor God.  


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36. Marriage – God’s Masterpiece or manmade misery – Part 4

1 Peter series – “Holding onto Hope in a Hostile World”

1 Peter 3:1-7

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives. 3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6 For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. 7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Now a Word to Wives

·      COOPERATE – “wives must accept the authority”

God plans for couples to cooperate and the word submit means to voluntarily line up under for the sake of order. It means to work together and champion the Lords call on your husband to lead. Notice that wives are not called to submit to someone else’s husband. As already stated this does not mean that husbands are better than wives. It’s a matter of roles in the relationship. In short, according to Ephesians 5, husbands are to provide loving leadership, following the example of Christ and wives are to willingly follow that leadership in the home. This is an attitude of cooperation because without it marriage moves into chaos. Just like with the husband it is a command in the present tense, meaning it’s something that must become a continual practice. But the key to developing a spirit of submission is to first be surrendered and submitted to the Lord. According to Ephesians 5:22-24, marriage is intended to reflect Christ and the church. The Bible clearly teaches that as the Church submits to Christ, wives are to submit to our husbands. It is a picture of His love relationship with the Church, not a curse on the Church. Are you coming together to cooperate or control? Wives have much to contribute to the relationship but it will only work when there you chose to collaborate. 

·      CHASTE CONDUCT – “your godly lives will speak to them without any words”

Win your husband over with your walk not just your words. Women let’s be honest when your husband doesn’t respond your temptation is to nag. But sometimes words can get in the way, unspoken acting is more powerful than unperformed speaking.” It was Ralph Emerson who said, “Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying. Now I want to be careful in my choice of words as we tackle the topic of chaste conduct, because there are younger people in our services. But are you aware that the #1 genre of eBooks is erotica? The pornography and erotic industry produces more net yearly revenue than Microsoft, Apple, Google, Amazon, Ebay, Yahoo and Netflix combined. A recent best seller and money maker was a book called 50 Shades of Grey, it offers a counterfeit and satanic substitute to what a woman is truly looking and longing for. Instead of 50 shades of grey Peter is calling us to pull back the shades and seek purity in an age of promiscuity. Chaste conduct isn’t just about words but what you wear.

 CULTIVATE THE HEART – “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty”

While there’s nothing wrong with looking nice, Christian women are called to cultivate the heart. How much time do you spend primping and preparing your outer beauty vs your inward beauty. Do you cater more to cosmetics or character? Women worry about how they look and the world capitalizes on that that worry by making massive amounts of money on makeup. There have been many famous women who have emphasize the outward because they are empty on the inside. But according to scripture an outwardly beautiful woman who lacks inner beauty and character is actually ugly. Proverbs 11:22: “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion.” Peter says that the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit will not fade away, there is no Botox needed to keep that kind of beauty. Peter describes this beauty as gentle and quiet. Gentle is one of the 9 fruits of the Spirit and means, “strength under control.” Quiet refers to being tranquil not combative. Do you spend as much time cultivating your inner life as you do cosmetically beautifying your outward life? Scripture gives us the example of Sarah who Genesis 12:11 says was “a woman of beautiful countenance.” But what set her apart was that she adorned herself inwardly and determined to follow he husbands God-given leadership, even when it didn’t make sense to her.

·      CAREFUL – “do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.”

God’s goal is for you to be a doer of good, again, a wife’s witness comes primarily through works, not her words. Just as a husband is called to be careful in his conduct so is a wife.