1 Corinthians 13:5-6 “Love keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice”

The Fourth and final pair of negative love killers are:

• Keeping Score

The word that is used here is a bookkeeping term that means “to count up and to take account of,” as in a banking ledger. The thought that Paul is conveying is the recording to keeping score and even the desire to settle those accounts. Paul talks about how we deal with wrongs and one of the destructive issues that arises from this is a suspicious heart. A suspicious person has a negative effect on situations and people that they are suspicious of and involved with. Most of the people who have influenced me to change over the years have been people who believed in me. In an atmosphere of suspicion people often die but in an atmosphere of trusting they expand and find the encouragement to change. Paul say that Love does not attribute evil motives or suspicions to others for that is conviction without evidence and only God can judge the heart. Paul’s prohibition is not just against suspecting evil of others but it also concerns evil actually done to us by others. In these situations of personally being wronged self wants to record each wrong in living detail, even assigning a fine and sentence to each wrong. The Savior however wants us to forgive because, He has forgiven us, because bitterness creates bondage, and because we are going to need more forgiveness from Him in the future. The Lord’s Prayer says, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” Real love will not hold bitter grudges or allow long standing resentments against others, even when the wrongs done against us feel spiteful. In my life there have been three steps in the process of forgiveness that have freed me from the prison of pain time and time again.

1. Relinquish my right to get even.

Paul wrote in Romans 12:19 “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.”

We buy into the lie that we can hurt other people with our resentment when we try to get even. The truth is that hurt doesn’t bring healing until its placed in God’s hand and hurt people hurt themselves and others.

1. Respond to evil with good.

In Luke 6:27-28 we are commanded to “Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” The truth of God’s Word is what sets us free and God reminds us that we do have a choice as to how we will respond. We do not have to let the hurt herd us down the path of pain where we become programmed to respond to the poison.  Romans 12:21 tells us “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” How we respond to hurt is a reflection of obedience and trust in His Word.  Sometimes we can’t prevent the snake bite but we can always participate and be proactive in the administration of anti-venom. When we respond to evil with evil we are choosing not to suck out the poison but to let is coarse through our veins hoping that the snake dies.

1. Repeat the process.

Remember the discussion Jesus had with Peter in Matthew 18:21? “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times? No not seven times, Jesus replied, but seventy times seven.” Here is the hard part of love, instead of entering evil as a debt in its accounting books it voluntarily passes the eraser over what it endures. Love forgives and removes the record of accountability for the offense. We don’t need to keep record of wrongs to protect ourselves when we are confident that God is in control of the outcome, and when we know that He is looking after our needs. What if instead of making a list of others mistakes against us we listed the number of times God has forgiven us. I know that I deserve to be punished but instead He took it for me, there are no lashes on my back or shackles on my feet. God is not keeping a list of my wrongs in fact the only thing that is written in His book is my name. I have been immersed in grace and submerged in mercy and true love longs to share the miracle of mercy and the gift of grace.

• Injustice

Injustice or unrighteousness is anything that does not conform to the standard of the right which is God’s just standard. Injustice denies truth, and all immorality is rooted in the process of self-deception where wrong behavior becomes the product of a misbelief about reality. Love does not get its kicks out of unrighteousness yet today too many Christians are entertained by programs that elevate wickedness. Like ancient Rome we satisfy and justify our desire for unrighteousness by calling in  entertainment, yet is God pleased with His people when we are entertained by watching people being beaten, stabbed, raped, hated and abused. Love experiences no joy in seeing the faults or failings and falling into sin, even when those flailing feel like the enemy. Love mourns over sin, it weeps regardless of whose injustice is revealed.  Love does not pass along a juicy morsel of someone else’s failures just because it tastes good to do so. Breaking the news of sin is for the good of others not to promote a “feeding frenzy” around others embarrassment and pain. What are you recording and rejoicing over? Is it time to repent and receive forgiveness, is it time to release the hurt and stop recording the pain? Today we have a choice to embrace His Word or our wounds, what will you choose?

1 Corinthians 13:5 “Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable”

The third pair of negative love killers are:

• Selfishness

Our society confuses love with lust. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward our selves. It is utterly unselfish. The heart that is so consumed with its own interests cannot show concern for the needs and interests of others. Selfishness creates shortsightedness in our lives because it is all about self and that is all it wants to see. True love is willing and able to sees others because it views them as more important. This means that love is not out to get all it can for itself, no matter what the cost, love is driven by giving not receiving.  Agape love goes against our natural inclinations to put self-first. It is possible to practice this love only if God helps us set aside our own desires and instincts, so that we can give love while expecting nothing in return. The goal of a person that loves will not be to seek things for himself. Jesus demonstrated a love that was not self-seeking, and the entire mission of His life pointed away from self and to others. The One who had it all gave it all, why, to benefit us, it was for our good. When he was tempted in the wilderness Satan offered Jesus an easy way out, he encouraged Him to avoid the cross with its pain and the suffering. Satan urged Jesus to replace sacrifice with self and demonstrate His power and prove who He was. Satan said worship me and I’ll give it all to you free, but Jesus was not interested in His own glory, but ours. His focus was for people to be free from sin and empowered to love each other. So he rejected the self-seeking way of riches and glory and took the way of the cross for us. Jesus didn’t go around charging for his healings, there was the woman who spent all her money trying to be well but Jesus just healed her. There was no cost to her but there was to Him, it says that power went out from Him, love gives so others can receive. Using His power to feed the hungry people by multiplying the loaves and fish, he didn’t sell them to people, he gave them. The truth is that someone who could turn stones into bread could make a fortune running a bakery, but Jesus doesn’t. He was never out for his own gain, but lived His life to benefit us. Are we like this, or are we in it to get all we can for us? Is our lifestyle one of accumulating and keeping everything we can or are we using what we have to help others? Today we need to evaluate the claims we make as Christians and contrast them against the actions of His selfless walk. Part of love not being selfish means that it does not manipulate and used others to get its own way, there can be no “I’ll love you if…” in agape love. Jesus taught that the highest happiness is found in giving not getting so love does not derive pleasure from things that would cause a weaker believer to stumble, even though you think you have a right to. Real love will look beyond its own interests and embrace the concerns of others. It will turn a blind eye to self and see others through its focus on the Savior. In our culture we have made life about the pursuit of self-happiness yet a supreme regard for your own happiness is inconsistent with His love. Love is free from the bonds of selfish and has a spirit of liberality, so today go give something valuable away, be selfless with love.

• Anger
• The next ingredient in the spectrum of love is that love it is not easily angered. The word that is used means “exasperated, irritated, touchy, a sharpness of spirit that is aroused to resentment.” Real love is not easily provoked and driven to anger because real love deals with the disappointment and pain as it absorbs and diffuses them. Anger threatens us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally permeating every area of our lives. It is not a static thing but a moving and growing monster that consumes as it progresses from irritation to indignation as the waves of wrath, fury and rage crash against the very shores of our life.  Anger is not content to move in and live in a corner of your life, it desires to consume and change, to take over the God given moments of your life, to dominate your days and rob you blind.  Love also wants to consume and change our lives but unlike anger that wants to short change and cheat us love desires to overflow our lives, giving instead of taking. Where anger is the consuming fire of ruin, love is the consuming fire that refines. When it comes to anger our differing personalities and backgrounds lead us to respond in many different ways and it’s interesting to see how we judge others while justifying ourselves. When it comes to anger some of us are microwaves that instantly cook as we heat yet we seem to cool down just as quick. Others of us are like crockpots which just slowly simmer and simmer over a very long time, never quite blowing the top off, but not cooling down either, always being hot. While still others of us are the pressure cookers, which just keep stuffing it all in believing that our secure lid will hold it all in, until it doesn’t and we just can’t hold it anymore and “thar she blows”! We are tempted to look at a bad temper as a minor weakness, but that’s just a willingness to be deceived. A quick temper and a touchy disposition can be the one blot on an otherwise noble character. The sin of the otherwise noble elder brother of the prodigal son in Luke 15:, was that “he became angry.” How many prodigals are kept out of the Kingdom of God by the unloving character of those who profess to be inside? The great enemies of peace are those things that permeate our lives and produce pain instead of permeating our lives to promote peace. We can be inhabited by the great destroyers of life, anger, ambition, envy and pride or be delivered by love. What is consuming your life and dominating your days? Which fire is burning in your heart, the anger of ruin or the refining love of redemption?