1 Corinthians 13:5 “Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable”

The third pair of negative love killers are:

• Selfishness

Our society confuses love with lust. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward our selves. It is utterly unselfish. The heart that is so consumed with its own interests cannot show concern for the needs and interests of others. Selfishness creates shortsightedness in our lives because it is all about self and that is all it wants to see. True love is willing and able to sees others because it views them as more important. This means that love is not out to get all it can for itself, no matter what the cost, love is driven by giving not receiving.  Agape love goes against our natural inclinations to put self-first. It is possible to practice this love only if God helps us set aside our own desires and instincts, so that we can give love while expecting nothing in return. The goal of a person that loves will not be to seek things for himself. Jesus demonstrated a love that was not self-seeking, and the entire mission of His life pointed away from self and to others. The One who had it all gave it all, why, to benefit us, it was for our good. When he was tempted in the wilderness Satan offered Jesus an easy way out, he encouraged Him to avoid the cross with its pain and the suffering. Satan urged Jesus to replace sacrifice with self and demonstrate His power and prove who He was. Satan said worship me and I’ll give it all to you free, but Jesus was not interested in His own glory, but ours. His focus was for people to be free from sin and empowered to love each other. So he rejected the self-seeking way of riches and glory and took the way of the cross for us. Jesus didn’t go around charging for his healings, there was the woman who spent all her money trying to be well but Jesus just healed her. There was no cost to her but there was to Him, it says that power went out from Him, love gives so others can receive. Using His power to feed the hungry people by multiplying the loaves and fish, he didn’t sell them to people, he gave them. The truth is that someone who could turn stones into bread could make a fortune running a bakery, but Jesus doesn’t. He was never out for his own gain, but lived His life to benefit us. Are we like this, or are we in it to get all we can for us? Is our lifestyle one of accumulating and keeping everything we can or are we using what we have to help others? Today we need to evaluate the claims we make as Christians and contrast them against the actions of His selfless walk. Part of love not being selfish means that it does not manipulate and used others to get its own way, there can be no “I’ll love you if…” in agape love. Jesus taught that the highest happiness is found in giving not getting so love does not derive pleasure from things that would cause a weaker believer to stumble, even though you think you have a right to. Real love will look beyond its own interests and embrace the concerns of others. It will turn a blind eye to self and see others through its focus on the Savior. In our culture we have made life about the pursuit of self-happiness yet a supreme regard for your own happiness is inconsistent with His love. Love is free from the bonds of selfish and has a spirit of liberality, so today go give something valuable away, be selfless with love.

• Anger
• The next ingredient in the spectrum of love is that love it is not easily angered. The word that is used means “exasperated, irritated, touchy, a sharpness of spirit that is aroused to resentment.” Real love is not easily provoked and driven to anger because real love deals with the disappointment and pain as it absorbs and diffuses them. Anger threatens us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally permeating every area of our lives. It is not a static thing but a moving and growing monster that consumes as it progresses from irritation to indignation as the waves of wrath, fury and rage crash against the very shores of our life.  Anger is not content to move in and live in a corner of your life, it desires to consume and change, to take over the God given moments of your life, to dominate your days and rob you blind.  Love also wants to consume and change our lives but unlike anger that wants to short change and cheat us love desires to overflow our lives, giving instead of taking. Where anger is the consuming fire of ruin, love is the consuming fire that refines. When it comes to anger our differing personalities and backgrounds lead us to respond in many different ways and it’s interesting to see how we judge others while justifying ourselves. When it comes to anger some of us are microwaves that instantly cook as we heat yet we seem to cool down just as quick. Others of us are like crockpots which just slowly simmer and simmer over a very long time, never quite blowing the top off, but not cooling down either, always being hot. While still others of us are the pressure cookers, which just keep stuffing it all in believing that our secure lid will hold it all in, until it doesn’t and we just can’t hold it anymore and “thar she blows”! We are tempted to look at a bad temper as a minor weakness, but that’s just a willingness to be deceived. A quick temper and a touchy disposition can be the one blot on an otherwise noble character. The sin of the otherwise noble elder brother of the prodigal son in Luke 15:, was that “he became angry.” How many prodigals are kept out of the Kingdom of God by the unloving character of those who profess to be inside? The great enemies of peace are those things that permeate our lives and produce pain instead of permeating our lives to promote peace. We can be inhabited by the great destroyers of life, anger, ambition, envy and pride or be delivered by love. What is consuming your life and dominating your days? Which fire is burning in your heart, the anger of ruin or the refining love of redemption?

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is not proud or rude”

After Paul deals with jealousy and boasting he goes on to reveal the second pair of negative love killers.

• Proud

The word used here literally means to be puffed up, just as bellows expand and become filled with the air that they take in so the proud become full of themselves. It’s interesting to note that in Paul’s list of what “love is NOT” pride comes on the heels of boasting because there is a difference between the two.  Where boasting is the outward display pride is the inward disposition, boasting is the outward expression of the prideful person just expressing what is filling their life. Like the air pushed out of the bellows that adds fuel to the fiery furnace so boasting adds heat to an already burning fire igniting a blaze. Prideful, puffed-up people end up with an exaggerated opinion of their own importance, and are likely to assume that their happiness, well-being, opinions, and feelings are the only things that really count. Puffed-up people find it easy to dismiss the needs and feelings of others because pride is motivated by self and so sees others as inferior. Pride brings a deadly double danger because the arrogance that makes us unwilling to receive others help also makes us insensitive to those who need ours. In contrast, love is modest and humble and modesty is an outward expressing of the humility that fills them. Paul says that we reveal and display what we are, that what’s in there will come out.  The first place we need to look to see if we have a puffed-up sense of our own importance is in our prayer life, what or who is the focus of our prayers? Pride needs to focus on self and its own interests and where love is free to serve others pride becomes the slave of self.  God reminds us in Luke 14:11 that we do not need to promote self and if we do then He will humble us. Luke 14:11 “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” As sinners, clothing ourselves with modesty does not come easily or naturally, the truth is that we have to be taught. The lessons of modesty are often painful and the bible is filled with people that were humbled before they become great. Before Joseph became the Prime Minister of Egypt, he had to spend time as a slave serving others even being cast into an Egyptian prison learning to serve others in chains. Before Moses, who started in the palace of Pharaoh, ever became the great deliverer and leader of Israel, he had to spend time as a shepherd herding livestock.

• Rude

In the middle of this great chapter of love Paul says that Love is not rude and often I have hear this interpreted that we are to mind our manners. Yet what does this really mean and is rudeness just a matter of manners? I think it has to be more than this because what is rude to you might not be considered rude to someone else. A classic example of this is burping at a meal, we might consider this rude while other cultures consider it rude not to, because it shows appreciation for the meal. Even when all cultures consider something rude their expression of it may differ, for example we all consider it rude to ignore someone who is speaking. Yet it is often expressed differently, one culture respects this through making eye contact and another by looking down and not making eye contact. The problem with viewing rudeness simply in the context of manners is that there are many different cultures and rudeness then becomes a function of culture. The point of Paul’s teaching here is again the focus, without love self takes priority at the expense of others. Rudeness then is not a lack of manners but of love. Manners may vary across countries but how we think and act traverses all cultures. When we act thoughtlessly rudeness is revealed in our lack of thought for others feelings and views. We become concerned for self without consideration for others. Rudeness also shows up in our carelessness, when we act without caring and the effect it has on another person. In contrast, Love thinks before it speaks, weighing the needs and feelings of others and is willing to extend the grace that it has received from the Lord. The definition, “love is not rude” is more than just concerned with actions it also includes our attitudes. So when it comes to caring about others feelings and concerns this also means seeing others view of what is rude and not just our own. The secret to politeness, courtesy and respect is love not culture. Love controlled behavior never asks others to prove their love by doing something that is wrong, it creates shame free living for others. Those who love will never ask others to prove their loyalty by lying, cheating, or stealing and real love will never tell others “if you love me you’ll prove it by giving yourself to me.”  Jesus wasn’t rude and we see that in His willingness to focus on others, refusing to turn the children away when the disciples would have, and instead blessed them because He cared what happened to them. At the home of Simon the Pharisee when His feet were left unwashed and no oil was offered to refresh him as was the custom, He did not shame his host but showed grace. When the sinful woman anointed Him with perfume, washing His feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair, He valued her feelings and intentions. He honored her for her devotion rather than shaming her for her lifestyle. So what is filling you, self or the Savior, what is defining you, rudeness or the Redeemer?